Caked on Grease

Unlike most people, my best work comes when I’m doing housework, not sitting on the potty! Really! I’ll be doing laundry, scrubbing the floors or something else when something strikes me and I’ll say “huh, that’s a great line to my newest poem! I should write it down!” And Walla! My masterpiece in my eyes is perfect!

As a perfectionist, I needed to come up with the best title for my first blog. “Hmmm” I thought. “Meet the Author?” Nah, that was kind of boring. “All about me?” Nope, I really don’t want everyone to know EVERYTHING about me all at once. So, I said to myself I’ll just give it some time and it will eventually come to me.

As I started gathering all of the dirty dishes I needed to soak I noticed my favorite cooking pan looking sick. Really sick. Caked on grease! Perfect, just perfect!  I grabbed the AJAX and poured in a hefty amount, let it soak in water too hot to touch and let it just soak until it would be EASIER for me to chisel it away. As I was nearing the end of my chore, I came back to that nasty pan that I needed to tend to. As I was chiseling and cursing whomever burnt eggs and oil on my pan I started saying “Oh come on! There HAS to be a point where the shiny metal beneath all of this grease will start to shine thru!” I paused and thought….maybe I needed to do the same for this body I had been given.

All my life I’ve had issues with my weight. Though I was ‘chunky’ growing up it really hit me during Junior High after my grandpa passing so, I became bulimic and anorexic  at the same time. I tried to commit suicide to was eventually placed in St. Luke’s Hospital going in at 80 pounds, coming out at 125. I think I started gaining most of my weight during high school, like 10^th grade. I remember one of my girlfriends reaching out to me saying “you know, I’m kinda worried about you. You’re looking pretty unhealthy.” I should have listened to her, but sadly, I didn’t. Long story short, I continued to gain, and gain, and gain until I weighed in at a whopping, well, let’s just do this. Take a Medium Onion Rings from Burger King and subtract 110 calories. THAT was my weight. I was and still am ashamed, embarrassed and so saddened that I let myself, this beautiful woman of God go down the drain. Giving all of my attention to my family, my children, I forgot to pay attention to one special person, myself.  I have caked on grease everywhere. My body, my heart, my mind, my soul.

It’s time for me to get back my shine. Time for me to find my AJAX, get that ol’ chisel out and find the real person God has wanted and needed me to be. I’m on a journey and would like to share it with you. Somehow I’ve managed to get down to 218 but my ultimate goal is 146. So, my journey starts today. To be 100% real with you, but most importantly, myself. This is MY diary, no one else. This is un mujer gorditas diario. Let the journey begin!