Quit Apologizing Already!

Ask anyone who knows me, I mean TRULY knows me and they will tell you I apologize….like I apologize A LOT! I apologize like there’s no tomorrow.  And what’s worse, I even apologize for things that have nothing to do with me!  I’ll apologize on behalf of someone’s mistakes, their conduct or their choices.

I think it’s because I’m a fixer. I hate drama, though I tend to create some of it sometimes. I hate tension. I hate when people are at odds with each other. I want and wish everything could be perfect. Sometimes, at the cost of my own happiness. I’m tired of saying “I’m sorry” unless it’s something that I really need to apologize for.

While tending to everyone else, apologizing for things that have had nothing to do with me, absolutely wore me out. I couldn’t turn to anyone because they were coming to me for comfort. Who or WHAT was I turning to? What would comfort me?  Humph. Freaking food, that’s what.

I hate the fact that I gained all of this weight because the only thing that made me happy was found in the fridge or a cupboard. I HATE the fact that I have had no one really to turn to vent my frustrations to. I’m ashamed and embarrassed. I am so ashamed and embarrassed for thinking about others and their needs except for my own.

Embarrassed that I’ve let too many years slip away from me. Embarrassed for how I look now. Too ashamed to be looked at. Too uncomfortable and ashamed for me to even look at. I’ve gotten to the point where I would rather cover up and hide my body then let people see my progress. I get embarrassed when people compliment me when they DO see results.  Then, you know what I do, I turn red cause I’m embarrassed then I say “Ohhh, I’m sorry!”

I hate to say it, but I'm getting tired of always apologizing for things I have no control over. I'm also getting tired of letting my happiness go because I'm afraid of hurting other peoples feelings. I think it's my time to finally be happy. It's my time to take my life back. Time to put the tortilla chips down, get the boobies to say "you know, I just want to stay home and not go out" and not wanting to or needing apologize for wainting to do something just for me. It's time for me to quit apologizing already.